Brooke Shields recently received an advocacy award from the Hope for Depression Research Foundation in Manhattan. The 44-year-old actress has been known to suffer from post-partum depression. But now with her award, she tells us just how much she suffered, and eventually conquered the disease.

“We think and we feel that we should just be able to handle it on our own. I’ve always been strong enough to get through every single difficult situation in my life. I grew up in an addictive household. My mother had acute alcoholism. It’s in my blood. I was never going to be the one to succumb to it.”

In the past, Shields had a miscarriage and a record of seven IVF attempts. And when she gave birth to her daughter Rowan in 2003, she said she just wanted to “disappear and die.”

Shields was then prescribed medication, but she stopped taking them, thinking she didn’t need them. She recalls times when she wanted to drive her car straight into a wall with her baby in the back seat.

(via People)